Well, the numbers are in and you’re broke. You blew your winnings and bank account on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and to feel like a better person—Giving Tuesday. Madame G suggests sipping tea before reviewing the credit card damage. You can always pick up extra work doing surveys online. As they say: “keep calm and carry on.” Good luck!

Aries (March 21-April 19)

It’s best to use your head this month. Your agitation picks up and the restless bugs rush out. It might be time for a quick trip down south. San Diego is lovely this time of year. Drink your beers on the beach and stretch out your toes on the shore. Enjoy your time and let the sun cleanse your soul. It’s the perfect time to discover what makes you tick.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Steady does it Taurus. You may want everything in sight, but it’s best to visit the bank. All will be well, if you keep doing your best. Take the dogs for a walk and enjoy that Merlot because it’s going to be a long night. Christmas is just around the corner and the kids have decided on the most expensive gifts. At least crafts are in this year.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Is that your other half, or your reflection? Madame G suggests accepting what you have and enjoy it. Not all that glitters is gold. It’s been a good month and you’re happy to take on the added responsibility. Don’t forget, life is not always what it seems. Sometimes dreaming big is good. But there are times it’s best to live and love the one your with.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Your shell is thicker than water, right now. It may feel good to fire your first client or shave your head. But this is not 2007 and you’re not Britney Spears. Respect your fellow man or woman and smile. It’s the holiday season. That means Christmas and New Years are just around the corner.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Dear Leo, you’re amazing. Keep in mind that your fragile ego is not the issue. It’s not okay to take down others for your self-aggrandizement. It’s hard to be true to yourself when you’re incapable of change. Remember it’s not that the customer is always right, but they’re always honored. Keep a cool head. That’s an order.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“Life is but a dream,” or so the saying goes. But you know life is more than a dream. It’s full of reality, intricacy, and challenges. Don’t neglect yourself this month dear Virgo. Of all the signs you controlled your spending this month. Congratulations! In celebration take yourself out for a mani/pedi. Maybe a new haircut is in order. You deserve it.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct.22)

It’s been a rough few weeks. You’re doing the best can and it’s good. But, beware the Grammar Nazi is on your trail. It’s in your best interest to do what you do best — enjoy life. Work belongs at work. Your home life is meant for passion. Madame G suggests finishing that novel or macaroni sculpture from middle school. Seize the day!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Don’t worry — it’s you, naturally. Some love and others hate you, but no one disputes your effective energy. You’re definitely in charge. It’s in your essence or power. You may require a little motivation and encouragement this week. But, the boss has your back. Remember no one thinks about you as much as you think they do. And if they do—they’re afraid.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

This is your month. You’re searching for that perfect path. It doesn’t exist. Like Virgo perfection drives your motives. Though not all who wonder are lost, a little direction never killed anyone. It also helps weary travelers. Traversing the path alone is well, lonely. Don’t give up. The answers are out there. Bon voyage!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You may have drunk a full quart of Shiraz at the Thanksgiving table, but not all is lost. Everyone had a fabulous time. Do your best to carry on. Maybe they didn’t notice how you wobbled out the door. You had a superior designated drive. You win the prize for responsibility. Madame G salutes you for saving a life. You’re a HERO!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Well, hang in there. Everything will be fine, but it’s best you use your head. Times are tough and as you know its just part of life. You lost everything at that poker table, your car, wife, and even the family dog. Your partner will be back to say: “I told you so.” Monkhood looks enticing right about now. There’s a sect of Buddhist monks in Sipapu. They’re nice and live cheap too.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Everyone knows your sensitive, but this is ridiculous. What’s wrong with you? Be happy with what you have or let it go. As far as science knows, there’s no such thing as a time machine. Be present and live in the here and now, or you’ll wake up and wish you had. Children grow up and move on. It’s in your best interest to stay in touch, or get left out.